Feeling Anti-Social: The case against social media
by Kelly Sallaway, LincsMag Writer.
Date: 01 March 2010
I logged on to Facebook today and found out my little Brother got married. In a keystroke he had changed his "relationship status" and made the rest of us feel like we had none. He is actually my Step-Brother but it doesn't help to explain away the feeling that I deserved a phone call or something?
Hey, I just found out my friend or relative got married...on Facebook?
He is in his early 20's so I try to understand that to him and his peers that this is a perfectly acceptable way to let people know you just made some major life transition.
I said "try".
Technically, I followed him through the whole relationship on Facebook. I saw photos of the new girlfriend, I got the post they were engaged... so why was I surprised or even a little upset to see the update to 'Married' ? Now I understand a bit of the backlash where people claim that Social Media is ruining lives.
Social Media is an amazing invention and a modern phenomenon. It is a way to reconnect with people from our past and forge new friendships. Facebook , MySpace and Twitter have changed the way people keep in touch through updates, notifications, comments and photo galleries they allow us to share our lives and provide a peep hole for the world to look on to other people's daily lives, their activities, events, addressing what is happening, where and with whom.
The miracle of the 24/7 daily update can be overshadowed by the nightmare stories of how social media has changed people lives ...and not for the better. Horror stories are emerging of broken dreams and ended relationships all originated by the use and abuse of social media.
Virtual Hell!
I have a friend who is a Relationship Therapist (what used to be known as Marriage Counselor) who says his business is booming and all due to texting and social media! Self-help columnists mailboxes and Counseling offices are full of individuals and couples seeking help for what is becoming an epidemic of misery brought on by the effects of our society moving more and more toward Social Media. Several Law firms cite that one in five Divorce petitions now evidence Facebook as a factor.
Being left out of the wedding loop was just a minor breach to my ego. I have heard the news of Facebook and MySpace bringing on some real tragedies: boyfriends and girlfriends stalking each other and their ex's through fake profiles, divorces caused by a spouse reconnecting with a past love or splits from 'virtual affairs' (where the people have never even met).
In a couple of severe cases there have been teenagers who have committed suicide after being harassed or bullied online.
Countless others blame Facebook and other social networking sites for "ruining their lives". Aside from inappropriate encounters and ex-lover stalkers, Facebook induced depression is on the rise. Counselors and columnists say this is depression stemming from constant comparison to other users.
On sites like Facebook people are being bombarded by their 'friends' activities and events. These are updated by the day or even by the hour or minute. People say Facebook makes everyone else's lives all seem more fun and glamorous than their own.
Social network site users live in a state of comments and posts that one-up each other. Users are less concerned with how their life is...and more preoccupied with how their life appears.
Some people have managed to ignore the whole phenomenon and refuse to join in. (you know who you are, LincsMag Editor included) These folks still suffer by being bombarded with requests to create a profile ... then link it to a web page or a blog.
In business circles it seems you do not exist if you don't have a blog. It is expected whether you are a celebrity or a CEO. A new status symbol is how high your name ranks in a SEO (Search Engine Operation) or how many followers you have on Twitter.
With career recruiters and businesses using social networking sites to reach out to Executives, connect with customers and research job candidates the Social Media arena is not just for kids.
According to research 4 in 10 of all adults with computers say they are regularly on these sites. Facebook, created by a University student in 2004, is growing exponentially each day and now has over 300 million users.
There seems to be no escaping the rise and the effects of social media. There are no rules to using it. There is no guidebook for the next generation of users and no translation guide for those who don't 'get it'. But it would be nice if some of the judgment and courtesy we use in the 'real life' would carry over into this new virtual world.
That said: you can "Friend Request" me at http://www.facebook.com/kelly.sallaway
