Chemo, Thoughts and Pumpkin
by Glenda.
Date: 25 November 2013
Glenda continues her story of Breast Cancer... To read the first part click HERE! and the second part HERE!. Please note that some people may find the content upsetting.
So here I am again. I had chemo no 6 a few weeks ago so only 2 more to go. I must admit no 5 was horrendous and knocked me for 6 for 2 weeks so fingers crossed it won’t be so bad this time.
I have issues in that I say tomorrow instead of yesterday and forget names and talk very randomly – well I do that anyway but more so than usual! And no Zumba anymore because I can barely walk but hey ho the chemo is working and Ollie the Octopus is down to 1.4 cm so he’s nearly been zapped.
And far from looking like a cancer patient (well I do when I pop my wig off!) I’ve put on about a stone in weight – I reckon it might be all the cake! Bless my cake goddess.
I have some smashing hot flushes, my left chemo arm won’t straighten and my eyesight is going and I often find myself just staring into space with my mouth open – now that’s not a good look!
It’s certainly been a journey so far and I have met some amazing people who make me feel very humble and I have the most amazing friends and family.
During my awful time after no 5 I spent some time at the hospital and met a gentleman named Shaun and we got talking, as you do. I have to say what a lovely guy he is. His cancer which is in the bile ducts is inoperable but he’s having chemo every 2 weeks or so to prolong his life for 5 or so years – he’s a year older than me and made me feel so humble.
At my last breast clinic appointment I met a lady who couldn’t walk very well because her breast cancer has spread to her spine and other places – so brave.
Reactions
Most people’s reactions to my news have been fantastic but one friend when I told them physically stepped away from me – it’s not catching you know!
Another friend who has finished her chemo for her breast cancer asked me if I’d asked my consultant if I was going to die – I replied no because I’m not – well we all do eventually, but this sure ain’t going to beat me.
People just don’t know what to say – I get that – another friend (you know who you are) couldn’t look at me without bursting into tears initially – she’s got over that now and she is amazing.
A lovely guy who I work with said to me I know you’re ill but this place is turning into a florist – bless him he sure makes me smile as do all the flowers.
Lost Pumpkin
I started writing this article just over 3 weeks ago. I wanted to write about all the amazing people I have met through this journey. However a lot has happened in those 3 weeks and I now find myself very low.
I think the first bad thing was losing my little cat Pumpkin – he went missing on a Tuesday night and he still hasn’t come home. I think this is because he died on the road as a little ginger cat was found and taken away by Cory on the Wednesday morning – I rang Cory and they said that the fatality didn’t have a chip or collar but Pumpkin did but I still think in my heart it was him.
I loved him very much as all the family did – he was my little bundle of ginger fluff who brought me so much comfort during this time.
Chemo no 7
Last week I saw my consultant – he said my calcium was high and I need a bone scan. I didn’t ask him any questions – I know I should have done – I just wanted to get out of there. The levels are only just above normal – I found this out the next day while having chemo no 7 but I had already Googled high calcium in cancer patients – it can be a sign of a secondary tumour in the bones, but hopefully the scan is just a precaution – doesn’t stop me worrying though.
I also had a few tears while having no 7 – and then I felt guilty because the lady next to me was having her treatment for cancer of the Oesophagus and she can’t even eat.
Last week also saw the loss of a very special lady that I knew who’s cancer took just 8 weeks from diagnosis to take her life – she was a lovely beautiful lady of 49 years old. RIP Shelly x
Other bad things have also happened and now I feel an inability to cope with it all – I know that somewhere inside me I’m there but I can’t seem to find her anymore – I look in the mirror and it doesn’t even look like me.
I have considered whether I should write all this – I am in a very paranoid emotional state at the moment, but I’m sure I’m not the only cancer patient who has these feelings and this is just part of the journey.
I found this quote on the Internet: -
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
I like this – I like this a lot.
