An Uncertain Urge
by Christa Brunori LincsMag Writer.
Date: 14 August 2010
Found myself in a place of unfamiliar territory. With all that surrounds and natural beauty at its best, it is a place of serenity. Something, a lot like a dream. Rolling hills blanketed in luscious greenery and fields filled with vibrant wild flowers.
Clouds looming over the distant range, bringing a rainstorm with them. Only wish is for the morning sun to show itself. A slight chill has consumed the air around me, and I am left missing my desert.
Uncertain of the similarities between the land and my emotions.
An abundance of life at ground level, yet, always a dark cloud hovering.
The urge to give my secrets away should feel enlightening. The mind is convinced, yet the heart remains guarded. It would seem that I like the way it hurts. And so, I ran.
My shoes glided across the pavement faster than I can ever recall and I was in my very own Forrest Gump moment.
Surprised by the quickness of the fall. My feet carry onward, and lower and lower I go. The bottom of the path is nearing and just before hitting the end, I stopped. Just like THAT, I was at a halt. Standing there, still as can be, I had realized my breath had been held along the whirlwind.
Turning Around
As I am faced with embracing what is in front of me, I look back. My eyes gaze over the vast beauty and absorb the life around me. Little did I realize how far I had travelled and how daunting of a climb was left behind. Only a few strides separating myself from the bottom and my wits end. And so, I turned around.
My pace is slow and my feet reluctantly begin the climb. My breath is rushing and my will wants to fold. But what I do know, is that I do not welcome hitting bottom. And with that, I continue on.
A few moments in, and I can feel my body pulling forward and dragging my feet along the way. The walk is slow uphill, like that of a freight truck inching its way up a mountain, and I want to quit. I am tired. So, so tired and feeling weary. No longer certain of the choice I had made.
Doubt had crept inside and attempted to persuade my thoughts. It amazed me how often we second-guess ourselves. Is that little voice trying to distract or remind me to think a little more on the matter?
True Enlightenment
Contemplating my actions and thinking of how easy the fall was, fuelled my ambition to push harder. A new energy was found and strength gained. I realized that embracing the struggle was the only way acceptable. My legs were rejuvenated and the ability to move through what once hindered, was the true enlightenment.
